Restless

I am totally feeling housebound. Sitting here in recovery and no contact with those I am use to talking to. I did not feel this restless with my last knee surgery. I was so ready for a break at that time, so happy to be home and just free to hang out. I spent my days filled with TV and resting, it was great. But two 4 to 5 week breaks from everything in a year is perhaps a lot. Especially as this time feels different. I feel less connected, restless, and it is growing each day.

I think I am going back to work part time next week. I need to be interactive and busy. I want to do so much, but I am not ready for any big changes right now, so just getting back to normal will be nice. I miss my interactions, my conversations with my friends and the meetings and groups I attend. I need to remember that where i am at is just where i need to be, whether it is hard or not.

Tomorrow I will go on a drive with my nurse from my surgery. We will take a tour of the local waterfalls you can see from the road. Yes I am trying to grow and make new friends. It is an odd experience and an adult to make friends. I often wonder if it is worth the trouble. It is so hard to find connections that are meaningful not to mention the time it takes to do it. I am trying to be brave, to be open bit by bit to let others in and to experience them. Scary as it is. Sometimes I feel like I make these bonds and then they are ripped from me. I have moved a lot and had to let go of so many people. I do not want to let go of people any more.

Deep breath. Tomorrow is another day.

m.

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