Helpless

No on told me being a parent would be like this. No one told me the choices they make can make you ache inside as if it is happening to you. No one told me that when they fall down, when they pretend it does not hurt, the pain you feel is excruciating. My heart is heavy, my desire to let my daughter feel her own feelings, guide her and hope for the best, is all well and good in theory, but as it happens, I feel helpless. I am helpless. The road she is traveling is ripe with danger, with potential long term ramifications. I try to guide but she resists, running full speed to the edge of a cliff. Will she stop before she gets too close, or will she topple over the side? My heart is turning cold, hardening to protect itself from pain. Wrapping upon itself like a cocoon safe from the influences of those around me. I feel tired, tired, alone and sad. Sometimes it is all too much.

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