My mornings have become a time of connecting to my Savior, my God. I didn’t do it for so long and now that I am, I remember why it was a habit for me for so long. It seems as though each day is a new discovery, and a day to see God in a new light. My eyes are opened to new insights and then the day leads to a fullness a and a sense of awareness that I have been craving.
I awake earlier and sit in my dining room, my steaming mug of wake up juice to my right, why the right? Because I like it there. The Bible and my study guide sit open in front of me, moving back and forth as I look first in one, then the other moving through my current study. Right now I am working on Beth Moore’s “Breaking Free”. It is an amazing study designed to break the bondage of sin and move one into the relationship God wants to have with them. I have had so many *WOW* moments in the past few weeks and God/Jesus are intimate and real in my whole day.
My job at the church has been stressful lately. Getting through the Christmas season, and having many extra duties added to my regular work load has been incredibly overwhelming. We have experienced the death of several members recently, one right after another, people that I have come to know and love, and it is painful. As much as I want to be strong, to deal with all of this in faith, I find that I can fall into a funk and get weepy. I know it is normal to feel all of this and that what is really happening is a time of healing, but it does not make all of the feelings I am experiencing easy, or fun to go through.
I was in the middle of a couple of hard days and found myself sitting with my coffee and open books very early one morning before work. I sat with my Lord quietly for a time. Just asking to be touched, to hear Him. I began as I always do, reading, taking notes, and sipping my hot coffee, when God began to speak to me, opening my eyes to one of His great truths. He is there for me in the midst of my heartache.
I read Isaiah 61:1 ...He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives… I learned that this reference “bind up” is in fact the Hebrew word, chavase, which translated means to compress or stop, and it further defines it to bind or wrap. As I read these words and remembered my heartaches, my broken places, I recall the incredible initial pain that comes with heartache, just like when an open wound is pressed upon firmly to stop it from bleeding, this pain is necessary to stop the bleeding so healing can begin. To think of Jesus, the great physician, holding my heart ache in his scarred hands, hands that bear those scars because and for me, I am humbled beyond measure. It helps me to remember that he is not unfamiliar with suffering, and that even though he allows my pain, I am not alone in it, he is with me and walks with me through it.
I walked away from my quiet time with Him that morning feeling so comforted, so assured of His love for me. I am relieved to say that for now I am not in the midst heartbreak however, I could be facing it at any given moment. How grateful I am for the assurance that my Lord will be there at the center of it with me, when it does.