And so it begins…

Tonight I went to the group I recently started attending. It was the sign up night for the small group “recovery and healing” studies that start next week. So as I stand there wanting to be anonymous, I catch the eye of a familiar looking woman who I soon discover I know from my last job and daughter’s school. Always a small world with nowhere to really hide, but i realize that I am fine with this. It is alright to be known, I just need to take care of my heart, my privacy and set boundaries. Maybe I should go to the boundary group so I can learn how to do this or perhaps it is the co-dependency group I need. I can always use a brush up on not caring so much what others think of me. Perhaps I will just look around and listen for a bit…

I really think the number of groups available is overwhelming, and I may be  the midst of a first world problem. I often wonder if the biggest problem I have is trying to find the right group to help me with my problems, that I may have a problem! Do you ever wonder if people in places that do not have food to eat or clean water to drink, think for a minute about their happiness. I am not sure if they do, but if they do, that happiness may have to do with them getting a full belly or quenching their thirst. I cannot remember the last time I was really hungry or dying for a clean drink of water to quench my thirst.

So while I beat myself up for being so small that I cannot deal with my problems on my own, I look over the material for the group I chose. The “grief” group. Why that group? Well I think it may help me deal with all that I have been through in the last few years, all of the really hard and overwhelming things that have been real and hard and hurtful. No I was not hungry, or thirsty, but it does not make the things that I went through any less real or difficult. I once heard that just because someone else is missing an arm, it does not mean my splinter does not hurt. Well, I have had a lot of splinters, and they hurt like hell. So first world troubles or not, I am ready to plow ahead and grow and learn all I can to lead me onward, ever onward, down the path wherever it may lead.

m.

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