Life has been amazing lately. I feel free for the first time in years, free of so many of the struggles that have brought me to places I never thought I would travel. Places of pain, of loss, of betrayal and of fear beyond reason. I want to let those places of captivity go. The places that lack the peace that comes with doing what is right and true to who you are. The joy that is a direct result of that peace is what I seek.
I have made so many mistakes, mistakes that I give to my Lord, mistakes that that have been a stronghold of lies and secrets. I refuse to live there anymore. Secrets come with shame and tear away the fabric of trust that I am building or re-building. I will not live in the dark any longer, I will let the light in, I will allow it to illuminate the shame and turn it to good so I may sweep up all the garbage that holds me captive.
I have been so tied to the belief that I need others approval to be whole. That I need more than God’s gift of love to be a person of worth. That is the biggest lie I live, that I need the validation of others to feel like I am someone, that I am something. It still plagues me so often, but now I have language to combat that lie. It is the language of prayer, prayer to the one who brings peace and joy, who fills up the holes that are deep in my soul.
I need to let go, to be let go. The past brings with it pain and shame. It is not something I want to live in. It is over. It is time to say goodbye.