My husband and I were talking about where I wanted to go with my newfound skills of speaking, and whether or not I was going to delve into the topics of Christianity and a healthy and fulfilling sex life. And he jokingly said I could call my next blog post “Maybe You Could choke Me Just a Little”, to which I replied, “You know I’m going to call it that now”, and his face was like, oh crap! Well hence the title. This whole conversation began after I had told him about talking with a girlfriend that was reading 50 Shades of Grey who was embarrassed to tell me she was reading it. Not because she was really embarrassed to be reading it, but, because she was embarrassed to tell me, the “pastor’s wife”. To which I replied, “Oh I read it, and it was rather juvenile”.
I do not know if people think that as a Christian, that all topics sex are taboo and that we are very proper or what. I have to say that I am of the mind that God gave a husband and wife each other to enjoy, in any way they choose. I read several Christian blogs and authors that feel the same way. One site I like is call “One Flesh Marriage” and they cover all sorts of topics about sex and marriage. It is open and honest and filled with wonderful thoughts about marriage and the marriage bed. I also like much of what Sheila Wray Gregoire has to say. She is frank and informative and shares intimately about what few will say out loud.
Any of you that know me personally know that I have little trouble saying what I think out loud too, unless I think it will affect my husband adversely. So I have been quiet on the topic of intimacy for the most part. But I am through being quiet. I have heard too many people rage against the whole idea of the dominant/submissive lifestyle in the bedroom. I have heard self-proclaimed experts say that all of this “abnormal” behavior in the bedroom is due to victimization, sexual abuse or negative esteem on the part of women who are seeking this outlet. It is also said that any of the activity that falls outside the “norm” (whatever that is) is abusive and what kind of person would ever like any of it anyway? Like that is not the most judgmental and critical thought process one can put off on another woman. I wonder how many of those experts raising the roof have ever read anything about healthy intimate dominant/submissive relationships much less experienced one.
I am rather irritated by all the talk from Christian women railing against the fake relationship of 50 Shades Christian and Anna as being wrong and sick, as we are judging this from a Christian lens. First of all these characters are as far from being Christian and living a lifestyle of Christianity as anyone can be. They certainly do not live by my Judeo-Christian standards, that said, let’s leave them totally out of it. What do we as Christians really think of a married Christian couple that is intimate, open, honest, and has a flourishing sex life? What would we think if they practiced some of the more, shall we say, spicy sexual acts in the privacy of their own bedrooms?
I for one do not think it is any of my business what goes on with a couple behind the doors of their bedrooms, but, if it makes them closer, more open, more in love, and makes them truly one, I, for one, am all for it. I was once talking with a close friend about her husband and she wanted him to know something very intimate about her. I told her to just tell him, and she said, “Oh, I could NEVER tell him that.” I looked her in the eye and said, “This is the man who you will get naked with and share your body, but you will not share with him your heart, or your desires”. This is where the true tragedy lies. Not in the way we choose to make love, not in ways we connect physically, but in the lack of finding a true union of body and soul. In finding that we can share all parts of who we are with another person.
I am not one to tell people to do anything that makes them uncomfortable, but I am totally in favor of telling the one you love the things that might bring you joy both in and out of the bedroom. Instead of looking to shame and judge what others find pleasurable, I think we can all look at our own relationships and find ways to build on them so they are what God truly ordained for a husband and wife, oneness, both in and out of the bedroom.