Demons

I struggle with demons. Okay, not real ones, but the kind that get into my head and eat away at me and press and push until I am almost powerless to do anything other than the thing they want me to. You know those compulsive thoughts that just will not stop running around in your brain?

Sometimes they are so far away from me. I am moving through life with all the power of a freight train. Doing the right things, thinking all healthy thoughts, everything is right within my universe. Then out of the blue compulsions hit me. A silly one is ice cream… ugh! Have you ever just decided to get in shape. Lose those last 5 (or 25) pounds, and that is the very moment  when you cannot get the thought of a salted caramel pecan blizzard out of your brain.

There are other demons that haunt me from time to time. They are the ones that are deeper and darker than ice cream or just wanting to hide from everything in a novel all day. I can usually keep them at bay through self discipline which involves a regular time with God in study and prayer, and by having self imposed boundaries. But sometimes that seems to only push them further into the shadows, lurking for the opportunity to strike. They have been lurking lately, I want to run and hide from them, push them deeper into the dark, but that is a problem. They like the dark, it is where they can grow and take on a life of their own.

So what to do? How do I dispel the the darkness? Turn on the lights! Talk about what is going on, and recognize that I am not alone. I can talk about my demons with those I trust, and as I do the light grows and grows until the shadows fade. Shadows cannot exist in the light and neither can secrets live within honest and open relationships. I am grateful for the people in my life that will be with me, that understand who I am within my imperfections, that listen and love me in spite of them. It is what keeps me sane.

m.

9 comments

  1. It’s great you actually have people to talk to about such things because many, like myself, don’t have that. “They like the dark, it is where they can grow and take on a life of their own.” This statement cannot be any truer. We can’t shove nasty, bad thoughts and impulses into oblivion, but they must be confronted and picked apart through the word and prayer. Great post 🙂

    1. Thank you so much. I am very lucky to have a circle of trusted friends, but especially my husband. He has really been my loyal confidant.

  2. Beautifully written

    1. Thank you Jane!

  3. Cast them down in Jesus name. We all have to learn to fight and by calling them out and casting them from your life you can gain peace. Focus on Jesus, revert your mind and Praise God! I like Philippians 3:17 where Paul forgets what lays behind and strains forward . . .
    Great Post & God Bless You!

    1. Thanks for stopping in. 🙂

  4. I suspect we all have our demons, just some have rather too many. It’s good that you recognize and can articulate about them.

    1. Yes, it seems that many have more than their fair share. Sometimes it is easier to bring them home to live than try to deal with them. I have always tried to deal with them, both with, and sometimes, without success. Thanks for the comment.

  5. You’re welcome and how true about bringing them home being easier in order to just get on with the day to day.

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