I struggle with demons. Okay, not real ones, but the kind that get into my head and eat away at me and press and push until I am almost powerless to do anything other than the thing they want me to. You know those compulsive thoughts that just will not stop running around in your brain?
Sometimes they are so far away from me. I am moving through life with all the power of a freight train. Doing the right things, thinking all healthy thoughts, everything is right within my universe. Then out of the blue compulsions hit me. A silly one is ice cream… ugh! Have you ever just decided to get in shape. Lose those last 5 (or 25) pounds, and that is the very moment when you cannot get the thought of a salted caramel pecan blizzard out of your brain.
There are other demons that haunt me from time to time. They are the ones that are deeper and darker than ice cream or just wanting to hide from everything in a novel all day. I can usually keep them at bay through self discipline which involves a regular time with God in study and prayer, and by having self imposed boundaries. But sometimes that seems to only push them further into the shadows, lurking for the opportunity to strike. They have been lurking lately, I want to run and hide from them, push them deeper into the dark, but that is a problem. They like the dark, it is where they can grow and take on a life of their own.
So what to do? How do I dispel the the darkness? Turn on the lights! Talk about what is going on, and recognize that I am not alone. I can talk about my demons with those I trust, and as I do the light grows and grows until the shadows fade. Shadows cannot exist in the light and neither can secrets live within honest and open relationships. I am grateful for the people in my life that will be with me, that understand who I am within my imperfections, that listen and love me in spite of them. It is what keeps me sane.